John Galt Presents: I See it Differently

I have made it a point to show that I am a "NotStickman". I enjoy being a NotStickman. In fact there are a fair number of farangs in Thailand who don't really even give Stickman a second thought. They say he is so off based about how to handle yourself here in Thailand that they just ignore him completely. Many bad-mouth him. In my mind, I see them are "NotStickmans" too. I also think quite a few of us discount Mrs. Sticks responses. She panders to those who write in and asks her questions. She doesn't very often give straight answers when those answers are in conflict with Thai "sub" culture.

This past publication of the Stickman Weekly column was a hum-dinger. How could Stickman be so wrong? Why does Mrs Stick do the readers such a disservice?

First, before you continue on here, be sure you go back and read the column published for Feb 3rd. It's called Meeting Thai Woman, Back to Basics. Read just the opening piece, and then read Ask Mrs. Stick near the end of the article.

"He was clearly enaomoured by her. He ran his hand over her breast and down her thigh, just north of her nether regions., his eyes bright with excitement at prospect of bedding the fine Thai beauty he was sitting with." (reprinted with embellishments)

What kind of crap is that for an article for X-pats in/out of Thailand? I think that opening would be a big hit with the ladies of the house... don't you think? Stick, I didn't know you had it in you. What a ladies man!

I think we are going to change Stick's name today to Fabio-Stick. Yes, let's do that.

Fabio-Stick goes on to recommend the best ways to meet and greet the Thai ladies. He focuses most of article on outward appearances. He is convinced that just a comb of the hair and the brush of the teeth l smooth you over just right with the ladies.

Fabio-Stick writes: "I have never figured out why many Western men become meek and mild in the company of Thai women. Perhaps this is the effect Western women are having on men, demasculinising them."

Wow, that is a new word for me.... demasculinising. I've been trying to say that, demasculinising, demasculinising. Sorry that just doesn't roll of my tongue very well.

If you as a male someone allow a female to deplete you of your masculine traits, then somehow I just don't think you were much of man to start with. I think Fabio-Stick's perspective on this has something to do with the fact that he is from New Zealand or something because I can sure as hell tell you that the fine gentlemen from England don't let themselves become girly-men just because they hang out with females. Let me try that again.... demasculinising, demasculinising, sorry, I just can't pronounce that worth a damn. It's feels foreign to me.

Thailand is a male dominated society. If you plan on fitting in around here, you need to take on an assertive role. If that is not you -- then you should be prepared to be dominated by a female.

The worst thing you can do is to try to put on a "face". You know why? Because you're no damn good at it. This is the land of "face". These girls have been looking at "face" all their lives and they know a false "face" when they see it. Face is okay for a business deal or something non-personal -- if you're thinking about getting close to someone -- forget the concept of face.

Two or three times a month from girls who I know will challenge me with -- "Hey I heard you are with many woman. My friends saw you around town with some girl" And I know right off hand that they are challenging me just to see if I will crack and confess that I've had other things going on. And I typically rebuff the them in short order because I know exactly what girls I have been seen with and when. This is just their way of tricking me into confessing when in fact most of the time they really have no idea if I've been with someone else or not.

Alternatively I'm interrogated with: "Where have you been?", "Who did you go with?", "What did you buy?", "Are you lying?". Frequently they are saying "I don't believe you" and "Are you sure". (have I left any of the popular phrases out?)

They are examining your response like a lie detector test. And let me tell you they are exceptionally good at it because this is their way of life. They have been looking at the art of saving face through lies all their life. You can't beat that. When it comes to putting on aires and polishing up your outward appearance, you'll fail to get past their radar. They'll nail you down in heart beat. They don't mess around. Lies are a part of Asian life. They been sifting through them all their lives. They can spot a bad liar a mile away.

If you try to be someone that truly you are not -- you'll come off as "something wrong". You'll be looked at as a phony. And I don't believe the girls will open up to someone they consider a phony. They will be scared of you. Did you read that? Let me say that again -- they will be scared of you. Better for you to be on honest womanizer than come off sounding like a phony.

I have had very specific instances where I have had to inform one girl that I had other things going on. I did it gently and with respect and though this news is not received very well, the results are much better than if I had lied and tried to deny what a girl suspected to be true already. You will do much better with the truth when presenting in a respectful sincere way. Even if you have to deliver up some bad news - do it with honestly and I bet you in most cases you'll retain your friendship with whomever you're dealing with.

Fabio-Stick just touches on the really singular essential: He wrote "be yourself". That is about the only truly sensible thing he has written.

So, forget about all the BS he writes here about dressing up, and applying the Brill Cream. Just be who you are. If you like worn jeans -- dress in worn jeans. If you enjoy wearing your hair long and pulled back in a pony tail- then do that.

Whatever you do -- do it for yourself. If you don't like who you are inside -- then you make a change. If you think you should loose some weight, make it a point to change yourself for your own personal needs -- not for a girl.

You can't hide yourself for any length of time. It won't work. That approach is destined for failure and it will fail pretty quickly when the girls sniff out your hidden bad habits and character flaws. Everyone has some character flaws so wear yours proudly.

I can promise you - if you focus on your own personal life and be the person that you are happy with -- the girls are going to like you just fine. There is nothing special that you'll have to do. There will be nothing that you need to know from this web site. Thailand is an exceptionally easy place to meet females. You will meet them literally everywhere -- everyday -- at any time of the day. I hear the girls in the Philippines are very similar to Thailand in this same regard.

I actually make it a point to touch the girls. I will reach out and tug on their shirt sleeve or some other innocent and non-provocative gesture. I have had a few girls respond negatively. But most will jump back and laugh and really not have a problem with it. When I touch them I do it with complete confidence. I almost make a game out of it. I have made this my way of communicating my interest in them. I also use this as a ways to screen out the girls who are just not up to the level of reaching out to me. I don't really want to put any time into a girl who is not ready to make some contact. So, I apply the "touch test" frequently. People, life is short. You don't have a year to see if any particular girl is going to warm up to you. You need to push the "space limits" with her fairly quickly. I don't recommend that you reach and hug her -- that will freak her out. Also, don't grab her in a way that is restraining - that will really frighten her. Just make a confident motion and break through her "personal space". Just touch your finger to her shoulder or tug on a shirt sleeve and say hello to her in some way at the same time. If you see the same girl on a regular basis I think you'll find this exercise becomes almost a game where she is trying to stay away from you while you are on the pursuit. Its a very innocent way of creating a form of "the chase". And when she no longer jumping back from you -- then that says something. What does it say? Do you have to ask?

Don't go for the kill right away... I suppose Fabio-Stick is referring to sex? Where does he come up with this "Kill" thing. Sorry but I don't see it quite that way. If you're with a girl, and you're having a great time and communicating and going places together -- if you can't help but feel yourself smile every time you're around her -- then you'll have a good thing going. The sex is all but automatic. It's nothing you really need to calculate -- unless of course that is your first goal. And if that is the case, make it easy on yourself and just take your pursuit down to the clubs in Pattaya. Why trash all the other benefits that a girl has to offer if you're just hunting for a kill? I don't recommend the kill for a home town girl either. I think you need to have a bit more on the agenda than that.

This whole damn article was nothing but a way to push you into buying stupid flowers. That all it was. Stickman doesn't give a shit about your quality of life -- unless it effects his quality of life.

If you have solid evidence to the contrary, I would be interesting in hearing about it.

Stickman holds and preaches a "Suckers" view of Thailand. He likes to give advice -- but that advice for the most part is not much more than bells calls to herds of cattle. Stickman quite likely doesn't even take his own advice much of the time.

Oh, he is neat and tidy and he presents a pretty good front, but I strongly believe that the way he succeeds is not the way he tells you to succeed. I'd like to see him give you his recommendations on how to be successful in business in Thailand. Now that would be a hoot.

The numbers are pretty flat and spread out this past week. The first spike is my first article this year about being sued by Clayton Wade.

I don't mine the numbers being down. This is how it is sometimes. In recent weeks before the return the numbers were at about 100 a day, now we are not quite double that.

Question 2: I am getting married in May. I love my fiancée and hope we can beat the odds and make our marriage work. We will be living and working in Thailand and our future plans are to stay here. She has intimated to be that my responsibilities are to pay for all of the bills and generally be responsible for the family's finances. I am also expected to be the leader of the household. I am comfortable with this as I am older than her and earn almost 5 times what she does. She works an easy but relatively low paying job (21,000 baht a month, Monday to Friday only). What I would like to know is what her responsibilities should be. She keeps telling me what she expects from me so now I want to know what I should expect from her.

Mrs. Stick says: I can't tell you what to expect from her but I can tell you that you should have everything happily agreed and understood before you get married. It's not something to negotiate like a business deal or a sale and each of you has to be happy. If she is working then you can expect her to do much less than if she was at home all of the time.

This second question from the ask Mrs. Stick section of the StickmanBangkok article this week.

People, you got to love this response from Mrs. Stick. From the land of Quid Pro Quo, Mrs. Stick claims that she can not tell you what to expect from her..... WTF?

She also adds that everything should be understood before you get married? What kind of garbage is that?

Not like a business deal huh? And just because the girl has a job she is now off the hook for chores about the freekin house? Is Mrs Stickman getting of cut of the Sin Sot from that marriage deal or what?

Is Mr Stick is not going step in here and make any additional comments on behalf of the guys out there? Just what kind of sham is going on here?

It's time you learned what it means to leader of the household. Take your fiancée aside and explain to her that you appreciate Thai customs and that for her comfort and complete understanding, Thai customs will apply in your household.

You go to her and say: "Sweet heart, as is customary, you will take charge of the household. I'll give an appropriate amount of money each month as a budget. You will take that budget and do all the shopping for food and household goods. I appreciate a clean house and I know that as a good Thai woman you'll keep the house neat and tidy because you never know when I may need to bring my boss home for a visit. Also, as man, I may find it necessary to stay out in the evening with my friends. Never mind what we do. It's none of your business. You can be sure though that as a responsible Thai husband, I will never let my private activities impinge on the family budget. I'm glad you have you're own money -- because now, I really don't need to give you any of mine. Oh, please get ready for sex when I want it. I surely hope you don't have any objections to it if I'm in the mood. Also, of I burp or fart around the house -- just ignore it like you are not aware of it. If my underwear on occasion is a bit crusty -- live with it. Don't forget how I like my shirts cleaned and pressed either or that will piss me off. Oh, yes, I'm more thing -- I don't do diapers - so be prepared to take off a year or so from your career to have children and keep in mind that those duties are also squarely yours..."

At this point -- your fiancée should be close to horrified and in tears.... you can make a follow up suggestion of, "OR, we can make this marriage more like a western partnership. We can both share in the expenses and the chores around the house. And we'll need to plan out our purchases so that if a divorce occurs all of the value in the household can be easily divided equally into 2 parts -- because in Thailand, when a couple divorces, both parties get half. So, that means we'll buy and live in a condo -- OR, you sign a prenuptial agreement that I can withhold moneys in a bank to make up for 1/2 the house and property that I will never be allow to rightfully own"

Unfortunately, Mr. Beating-The-Odds -- just like in Vegas -- the house typically wins. Few beat the house in a Thailand in marriage and come out ahead -- but hey -- you're welcome to try.

Unfortunately, Mrs Stick isn't going to admit to this. She would never say anything that would rob a chance from another Thai female to take advantage of a richer husband (farang or Thai). This a male dominated world and anytime a girl can get a leg up (outside of sex), she is going to take it.

And let me tell you something else about this "you should have everything happily agreed and understood before you get married" statement. This just about the largest pile of shit I've ever read. On the day of the wedding, she'll begin to change the agreements. Once you are signed up and signed in -- those previous agreements are going to mysteriously change. Have children? -- look out -- children are frequently used as a point of leverage. Thailand many times is all about gaining advantage and a woman not only knows how to do it -- in their mind they must do it. It's one of their method to be successful. This is how it is most of the time. But I will confess not 100% of the time.

Thailand is not the place to create a sense of love by showing your trust them by putting yourself at a disadvantage. Did you follow that? There is no need to leave yourself foolishly unprotected by putting unsecured wealth in their hands.

Mrs. Stick says this isn't a business deal but clearly your girl is laying out some financial terms to you. Let this be a wake up call. If you think being married is going to save you money -- clearly you haven't correctly evaluated the true costs. Thailand clearly considers a marriage a liability to farangs -- you know why? Because being single is somewhat expensive. I won't go into all the details right now -- but in my mind, Thailand assesses a value on how it taxes a farang. If you are married or single -- there is a cost. In both cases, the country must receive it's benefits.

And shame on you Mr. Stick for not being man enough to speak up and make this correction. Opps, Oh, wait -- sorry I forgot. You make money from advertisers who encourage Thai unions. Hum... well, can really be honest when you have those kinds of sponsors can you? I guess you'll need to keep quiet. Fortunately -- readers have the NOTStickmanBangkok web site to turn to.

I need to add something really important. As nice as Thailand seems on the surface in public, there is a very harsh dark side to the concept that Thailand is a Man's World. Just yesterday a beautiful 23 year old female was showing me scars on her left palm, inside shoulder and on the back of her neck just below the hair line where her current Thai boyfriend had stabbed her with a sharp instrument. This is NO buffalo shit. I have known this girl for about 2 years. She's is a nice person but highly spirited and evidently she was doing something that he didn't particularly care for. So, unfortunately, she suffered some physical harm. Right now she is trying to get out of this relationship.

I talk plainly about not letting a Thai girl run you over. I preach about being sensible and firm -- but I'm totally against brutality like this. It's not right. I think incidences such as this are common. I think physical harm to females in Thailand by the hand of Thai lovers/spouses is very real and fairly common.

In the past 5 months, we had two murders here in town. Prior to this year, I had not heard of any. One was a terrible throat slashing of a girl who rejected an x-boyfriend (they were both drunk at the time). Another occurred in a hotel where a male partner allegedly bashed his girlfriends head against a wall in the bathroom. The first girl was in her late twenties and the second early forties.

I knew the first girl. I know her 8 year old son. I know her 2 sisters, mother, and the 3 year old niece. That funeral was not made public. The family grieved in private.

Seems like families here move on pretty quickly after a death. I can't exactly imagine it. Though it seems all is back to normal at their store. Typically families will have a yearly rituals to remember the deceased. Frequently they dedicate a table in the home to their memory and hang a picture on the wall to memorialize their lost loved one. Much more can be said about funerals. I see variations of Thai, Chinese, and Vietnamese funerals here on a regular basis.

People, I live in the country. We are not too metropolitan here. Most of the folks I come into contact with are pretty real and down to earth. They are just as happy to see you in jeans or slacks. They appreciate you being just the person you are. I feel correct in saying that here (in Issan), people are very agreeable.

I also feel the girls here are very approachable. Incidentally, you may find this interesting, I have done tests here on the color of my hair. I'm about 40% grey now -- and sometimes I darken by hair back to it's normal brown - and then let it grow back to grey in cycles and measure the change in response that I receive from the girls. I almost can't tell the difference in their perceptions of me. I ask some of them which color they like best and out of the few that show a preference, they choose my darker (younger) look. But still, when I'm grey again, and I meet new girls who I have not seen before -- they are still vying for my attention. So, the color of the hair does not seem to be that significant. Right now there is a sweet little 19 year old flirting with me. You just can't find this kind of attention in the west. I won't lie, its rejuvenating.

So, the hair is not a factor -- the clothes don't really seem to be much of a factor. I give ample consideration to my personal care and I have no issues that distract from me in terms of my hygiene. So, all things being equal, I have no specific liablities.

My experience suggests that the people here perceive you as a reflection of how you see yourself. If you're feeling good and have a bounce in your step and are living some victory in your life, the people see you in the same way.

I think it's fairly easy to have success with females in Thailand. And once you realize there there is nothing special you really need, then you'll hardly need to be here at this web site seeking out my advice.