Coffee Shop Call

This week I was mulling over ideas for the other columns.   I have a handful that are real interesting but would take quite a bit of effort to handle correctly.

Then, in the mist of all that, I got a phone call.  It's the night club singer.   She's a hot little number and she likes to pull my chain on occasion.  She's at a new coffee shop nearby and invites me to join her and a friend.   I accept and I take my camera along.   Nothing is more interesting than an actual story with some insight about the Thai culture and particularly when women are involved.   This story is just a compilation of insights and observations.

First, see the picture above.   This is a Starbucks wanna-be place.  It's a strange shop because we are in a small out of the way place in Thailand and there are not a lot of high end clients here.   For the entire hour we were the only customers.  I ordered a small tuna sandwich and cup of hot apple tea.  Together my order was about $1.86 (70 baht).   That is high end for this part of the world.  Most shops are not air conditioned, this one is.  And it was playing all English music.   I heard Elton John, Air Supply, George Michaels and a bunch of others many of which I haven't heard in years.  My girl was all impressed with my light hearted "singing-along".  (she was schmoozing me)

The girl in the background is the singer, we'll call her Christy.  The girl in the foreground is her friend, we'll call her Sam.

Both are about 21 years old.  Both are very hot looking girls; manicured finger nails, light make up, perfume, sexy bras, and styled hair.

Christy is a college student studying marketing during the day and she works at a small outdoor bar on most nights.   The bar/restaurant caters to small groups and families.  It's one or two steps up from a piano bar.  It is not like a disco.  She sings on a small stage with one or two other musicians.  They play medium tempo Thai ballots.

I met her about 5 months ago nearby at a local restaurant.   She does speak some English.  She tends to drink a little heavy at night and when she does she tends to call on me.   We have not slept together, but we flirt heavily - very heavily by Thai standards.

I'm not sure what she is up to.   She is cagey with me about her mission.  I don't know if she is looking for a fling or a husband or something in between.  We just haven't talked about it.   I'm taking it as it comes.

Today she is drinking and certainly a bit tipsy.  I think she has built up some tolerance to it.   See the beer bottles in front of her.   She was in a very flirty mood.

Christy is playing with me.  She dangling the carrot over the rabbit hole just to evoke a response.  It's all about salesmanship and who wants the other person more.  I'm rarely looking too eager.  In this case, I think Christy would lose interest.

A number of things happen during the course of our visit that I think are worth mentioning.

Galt Action Item #1: Samples Are For The Taking

At one point in our meeting Christy is talking about her figure and partially pulls up her shirt and exposes here stomach.  I reach over and put my hand on her and give her a little squeeze.  Hmm, Sexy I say.   The girls here take that all in.   It's never a bad time to tell a girl she is sexy. 

If a girl is getting personal with you in some way - take an opportunity to push a limits just a little bit.  If she opens up a lead, it's ok to follow.

At another point in the evening, she applies some perfume.   "Does this smell good?" (she says this in Thai).  She leans over to her left and bends her neck out.   I take the lead and lean in.   I bury my nose deep in her hair on the right side of her face.  My lips are right on her neck and I squeeze off just a little nibble and take a smell....  "hooam" I say (smells great).

She is not naive.  She knew with some certainty what my actions were going to be.

When a girl invites you to take a sample, respond with confidence.   Here in Thailand you can not go wrong.   The difference between here and the west is, if you over-step you bounds here, the girl will NOT blow up on you.   In the west, they can really respond negatively.  Here they are very unlikely to do so.  There is really no down-side to giving it a try.   If you scare her, just back off a bit and say sorry.  Most girls seem to know that word.  Your desire to be polite and respectful will be all you need to recover from any awkward moments.

What ever you do, make it a slow calculated action.  Not a snatch and run movement.    Just watch for her lead.

Galt Action Item #2: The Open Hand Slap

There is this little "hand slap" thing that is very common.  If you watch lovers walking along, they will affectingly slap each other.  It's much like a token of disapproval but it's completely non-serious and taken like a joke between them.  You may also see friends do this to each other in public.

During my visit, Christy said something about me being a playboy.  She was cutting me down and challenging in different ways, so when the time came I defended myself I made a stern face expression and gave her the open hand slap on her thigh.  This a very very gentle action.  It's something that you make look hard but there is almost no impact.   It's completely for show only.    It's a bit like a protest with a token gesture.   Watch for this in crowds between friends and lovers.   It's a good thing to understand and learn to do.  It will endear you to the girls if you know how and when to use the "hand slap".

You'll also see English teaches doing this on some occasions with rolled up paper.   A teacher might take the rolled up paper and "rap" a kid on the head.   It certainly never hurts and the rest of the kids will laugh.   In this case, the intended reprimand and has also been rolled up into a sign of affection.   Teachers use this a an "attention getter" in the classroom.

Also remember this.  The more personal the hand strike the deeper the involved the two people.   Lovers will tap each other in the head more frequently.  If a girl is walking in a crowd and does this mock discipline to a guy either on his shoulder or his arm, that guy is either a brother or her lover.

Typically, the head is regarded as a very personal part of the body, and you would never touch someone you don't know on the head.   To do so is a very big insult and a blatant disregard for Thai custom.  However, if you are on a very personal level with the other person as in a love relationship, then tapping the other person in the head can be acceptable as a sign of affection.

If a husband is walking with a wife and he spies a younger more attractive girl and his eyes get away from him, the wife might apply a open hand smack to the small of his neck.  He'll respond by looking back at her with a big smile and shoulder shrug and kind of "I'm sorry look".   This is a fun part of the Thai culture.

Thai comedians also will make jokes about hitting people on the head.   They use this on stage in a way that make an outrageous joke of the Thai culture and Thais take all in good fun.

Galt Keen Observation: The Bird Feet

There is a distinct trend in toe care with the females here in Thailand.  Women tend to get their big toes sculptured like a bird claw.  This involved cutting back on the nail in the cuticle on both sides to narrow the nail and then letting the nail grow longer and shaping into more of a point.  

This example of Christy's foot show just a mild form of the "claw" shape.  Some girls have toe nails that look much more like a bird than these.  This is likely cultural.  Quite a few of Thailand's historical figures have the characteristics of birds.   I would guess this is looked at as attractive.   In the west of course we tend to cut the nail straight across.

Warning: Many of the beauty shops here are not up to speed on techniques of disinfectant.  They may or may not soak their instruments in alcohol.  This is a requirement in the west.  So, if you are here, look this over before accepting beauty care.  I won't let my barber give me a shave with a straight razor (as is the norm with a hair cut) because he doesn't do any disinfecting between customers.  It's a problem that needs addressing here in Thailand.

Galt Astute Wisdom: Never Count Out The Friend

Now her friend Sam, she is looking good too.  Sam didn't pay a whole lot of attention to me.  She was quite absorbed with the cell phone a majority of the time. (probably communicating with a guy with SMS messages)

Sam has this thin-body busty-top thing going.  Never exclude a friend from the possibilities.   Frequently friends will try to sly their way into a relationship with a farang if they keep it a secret from their girlfriends.  Nothing like a little under cover challenge.   In Thailand, the "weakness" in your moral fiber to steal a friend's love interest is a forgivable transgression.  Lots of secret things are going on behind the scenes here.  The next time I see this girl, I'll begin to watch for clues from her, just for fun.

Friend Update:  Today is Thursday and I had this Coffee Shop Call on Monday.   I've already seen this girl out on the town at night twice in four days.   Prior to this, I had not noticed her in the crowd.   Now I've seen her twice???  Each time she now waves at me and we great each other.    And she is a hot little number.  If Christy doesn't warm up, Sam, the friend just might.

Sam, can I offer you some acetone to help remove that phone from your hand?

Galt Takes the Position: On The Back Burner?

Christy has been pulling on chain for months.   She'll call and then not follow up.  I'll see her around town a few nights in a row and then she'll disappear for a while.

I've been told she already has a boyfriend.   He is the brother of the owner of one of the local hotels.   She denies this.  I don't know exactly what the truth is in this case.  I'm not sure I care.  A fair number of unmarried woman will deny having a boyfriend.  It's part of the secrecy of the culture.   Some will even deny they are married!   All Thais are experts in the craft of "plausible deniability".

In the west, we tend to focus on one person at a time.  We tend to selectively ignore secondary people in favor of one.

Here in Thailand, relationships are short lived and fragile.  The trend here is to have several opportunities rotating into play.  If one potential partner is out of range, then focus on a secondary choice becomes the focus.

It's quite possible that Christy is unhappy with the guy who she sleeps with.  He may not be taking very good care of her and she may be shopping around for a new lover.    I could very well be the guy she has on the "back burner".  For me, I'm not that concerned. If she calls me one late night and show up at my door, I might take her in.  Or, 2 months might go by before and she'll call again.

Generally, if a girl has several guys on the string, they rotate between their guys to keep them all to keep on the the line and active.  She may or may not be sleeping with more than one, but she'll be meeting with and cultivating those other relationships just incase the primary one goes sour.

Galt Gets the Promise: "I'll Call You"

After our coffee shop meeting, Christy said that she had to go to work.  She said she would call me later that night - but she did not.    This is extremely common.   There have been many many times when a girl did not follow up on what she said.  Don't let drive you bananas.    People don't always do what they say here.  This is normal.  If a girls says she is coming by your house on a given night, don't count on it until it happens.  If they say they are going to call, it may not occur.  If they say they will meet you at 8pm, don't be surprised when turns out to be closer to 9.

Thais frequently are lax about keeping to their word in these kinds of situations.  It also depends on if you're their #1 guy.   If you are top priority, they are more likely to do what they say.  If you on the "back burner", just forget it and let it be.  Don't take this behavior personally.

If I bitch Christy out for not calling or coming by like she said she would, I would just lose any opportunity that I have with her.  Just be cool, and let it go.   Always keep alternative plans.  She should know that you just won't be waiting at home on her.   If a girl plans to meet with you at 8, and doesn't show.  Call her one time, and if can't reach her and she is a no show at 8:30, then you head out on the town and look up another girl.  If the first girl sees you, then this is a message to her that you are not pining away at home.  The person who cares least has the most control.

I not suggesting you make this whole thing a mental head game.   I think its wrong to lie to the girls and play them just to practice dark psychology.  What I am saying is that you'll need to keep your mind clear and keep things objective.  Don't let anyone upset you.  Just let it go and know that there are others out there who will treat you right -- If you're #1 on their list.

This column has been just one example of what can happen on any single late afternoon.   On this evening, she wasn't in my bed.   That is a perfectly acceptable end.   Tomorrow could be a completely different story.  Most of time I'm very happy to flirt and get a little emotional stroking.

To put this in perspective just a little.  I'm middle age.  Soon, I'll be 44.  I'm certainly old enough to be these girls' father.  I exercise regularly and I'm very trim and fit for my age.  Generally, I have a young looking face.   My face is a cross between Bruce Willis and Dana Carvey.   I'm lucky, it's a good face.  My hair is thinning and its about 50% grey (when its not died back to brown).   In the US, I would only have older women calling on me.  The 20 some-things don't look at me anymore in the US but, I still very much like the younger girls.  Here, we may not relate to each other on a mental level very well, but the language barrier tends to mask that issue.  Here, I feel like I'm still in the prime of my life.  Maybe even better than my previous "prime" because my mental talent and experiences are stronger and my business is working very well.  What is the value of that?   What is the true value of having your business skills matured, having finally developed yourself, and still finding interesting romantic interludes with the girls of your choice?

Ok, in this column, you can believe me.  :)

John Galt